15 Comments

How can love be unconditional if it's a choice? Could love be "choiceless?" Or merely the absence of choice?

Expand full comment
author
Sep 15Author

The way I see it, your not tying your love to any conditions is a choice. Many people don't make it. They place demands on their partner, for example, and when the partner doesn't meet them, they leave. I bet there are instances where it feels "choiceless" or at least effortless, if only for a time, but in a lifelong relationship, never having to make the choice to give unconditional love again is probably super rare, no? What do you think?

Expand full comment

I think I understand your perspective. Mine is different. My starting point may be that there is no "unconditional" love. There is either love or its absence. Adding "unconditional" to love is not just redundant or additive. It is conditional. The love I'm talking about is timeless. It is not a choice. It just is.

Expand full comment
author
Sep 16Author

Ahh, I see, taking an Eastern philosophy approach to it. I like it! There is only love or no love. I will think about this. Thank you!

Expand full comment

You're welcome. I appreciate your thought-provoking posts. Your regular posts often provoke learning and clarifying my perspective.

Expand full comment
author
Sep 16Author

Thank you! I know they're rarely perfect, but I just try to put something interesting out there every day :)

Expand full comment

Mission accomplished!

Expand full comment

“You don’t have to be enlightened to love. You can do it imperfectly.”

I think love is the path to enlightenment. Or maybe love is enlightenment. Every time we love, we are enlightened in that moment.

Expand full comment
author
Sep 15Author

I like this! Every little bit counts, basically!

Expand full comment
Sep 15Liked by Nik

Wow! That was a humdinger, Nik! Very powerful message about the gift of selfless and unconditional love! I’m glad that you had such amazing friends to get you through those dark times and a Saint for a Mom who chose to love you unconditionally every time! Who wouldn’t! 😊

Expand full comment
author
Sep 15Author

Thank you! Yeah, it was a great and much needed heaping of help!

Expand full comment

Nik, this blog really hits home. You're right—love is something we continually decide to give, despite the challenges. "Love doesn't have to be perfect to matter": it’s raw, real, and so human. Thanks for sharing this perspective!

Expand full comment

Wow, Nik, that is a doozy of a post.

Unconditional love, even temporarily is the toughest form ofcaffection to give.

It's a gift, a priceless one.

Dogs are much better at giving it than humans.

Most dogs give it easily, humans not so much.

I am so glad you were the recipient of love without judgement and conditions put on it.

You might not be around now if it wasn't.

Glad you survived.

It just goes to show, love changes everything.

Expand full comment
author
Sep 15Author

It truly does! Good observation about dogs. That's a good factor too. The ease. Can we learn to give love unconditionally more easily again as well? I think we can!

Expand full comment

I used to think that "unconditional love" required me to wear rose colored glasses and always see the best in everyone, even when they are showing me the worst. In recent years, I've come to feel unconditional love as not an act, but a state of being. Not as seeing of things are good or bad or right or wrong, but rather CHOOSING (to use Nik's word) to ACCEPT people and "things" just as they are. No judgment, no expectations, no assessments. Just is-ness.

Expand full comment